Late Night Entries Are The Best

Ahh, what can I say. I am on my way to bed and I just feel so.. so...um... awake. I know I should go to bed because tomorrow I get to work out all the numbers for my lovely marketing plan, but I just have this need to be awake. I saw the most bizarre and fucked up movie tonight. It was called Up! and it was written by Roger Ebert. I gotta say that I only saw the last 45 min or so, so I am not sure if it was any better during the beginning - but the guy can't write movies. I mean sure there was some story to it I am sure, but it seems to me as if he should not quit his day job (or weekly job for that matter). It was basically a soft porn with an extra cheesy story line. I have to see it in full. It was like a car accident, you just couldn't take your eyes off the screen. This is not always a good thing.

Yay! I have my road test in less than two weeks!!! This will mean that little Tara will gratuate from being a L to an N (in teen speak, loser to a nerd). In BC we have this lame-assed graduated licensing system, where you have to have your learners for at least 6 months if you don't take driving lessons. You have to drive around with a big reg L magnet on your car and have several restrictions. Then you graduate to an N for novice. This is where you get to drive by yourself wherever you want, but you have to sport a nice glowing green N on the back of your car. After 18 months, you finally get to be a winner and drive without having any lame-assed magnets. I aspire to be a winner. Anyway, I am going to have to remember not to yell at other people when I am driving. I am going to have to remember to keep both hands on the wheel (I like to just have one at the top, or have them in different posistions) to turn the proper way and not palm the wheel. I will have to remember to check my mirrors religiously and look EXCEPTIONALLY hot the day of my road test, just in case. (Yes, manipulation of the examiner is in my vocabulary and to all the men judging me right now, if you had tits, you'd do it too).

One of my friends is what I would dub a chronic fuck-up. While his intentions are usually good, if he is doing something wrong he will get caught. It is just the way it is. In October, this friend's girlfriend/wife/whatever she was that week, had a baby boy. At this time, my friend had just been thrown in jail for trying to the birth by stealing a car. He was miles and miles away from his new baby. I thought maybe when he got out of jail and he held the kiddo that he would turn his life around. Well, today this said friend called me from jail. He claims that his girl ratted him out for old charges and is lying about what is really going on. She is also denying him visitation to the baby. I tried to talk to her and I had a hard time arguing with her - her points were valid. My friend isn't exactly the ideal father. No, its not good to have a dad who is going in and out of jail. I tried to explain this to my friend hoping to make some impact. He never really had his father in his life because his dad was very abusive (alcohol and otherwise) and I wanted to see if I could draw a parallel - hoping to make him see that this time, when he got out of jail, he should try being a grown up. If not for him - for his son. This friend has really burned all bridges with those he loves the most. He reminds me alot of Amanda - Reactive Attachment Disorder. I wish someone had seen it early on in him. Deep down inside I know there is a god person. He has always been so sensitive and struggled to keep himself striaght. If there is trouble, he will find it. And even when he isn't looking for it, it will come and bite him in the ass. Temptation is too great for him. I'm not making excuses, I just think it is really sad that two of the neatest people I know both suffer from this stupid disorder and consistantly hurt the ones they love.

There are my bednight thoughts for today. it is late as hell and I need to get me some sleep. D didn't come up to see me this weekend and I was trapped here by a ridiculous amount of homework, so I am ever so lonely. I miss him when he's not around. I miss him 5 minutes after he has left me. I need to close the gap on our distance issue.