Sadness Sucks.

I just don't feel right, and saying I feel great is getting pretty old. I am a leaning post for all those around me, and right now, those people are going to fall with me if they put their weight on me. Life is sorta bleak. I had such high hopes for this semester and they call came crashing down. I suppose it may get better in the coming semeser. The thing is that I go through depressions in the winter. I have diagnosed myself S.A.D and its not like I need drugs for it, I just have to pull myself out. Hard as it is, I am usually successful. But I must admit that this time around... I may need help. Some may say that it is psycho-sematic, but its not, it just comes on without me even being aware of it at first, and then BAM it hits.

So here I am. Feeling a deep sadness with the looming of returning home. My family is not the problem, its the rest of the world. Everything feels 10 times bigger than it normally is. Everything seems so bleak, so pointless. And I know that this will end, and super-tara will return, but for now, I would really like to crawl under a rock and die. If anyone calls for me, don't bother taking a message because at this point I just don't care.

Which isn't really true in itself. I do care. I care about the people around me. And if I didn't then I wouldn't be there for them as much as I try to be... but the core of me, just wants to be. Just wants life to be smooth sailing with a fair amount of homework and consistancy.

How dreary. I am sorry you are reading this. I just felt the need to type it out for my own eyes... and I suppose yours as well... who knows maybe you can relate.