48%

In every class I have ever taken I have managed to achieve considerably above average marks in case analysis. Tonight I got 48% on a case I worked 12 hours on, after receiving the news that the project I had been working for 45 hours on was wrong. The thing is? Case analysis really is relative. For the most part it is backwards focused... problems some company had are identified from information, you recommend stuff, and its done. But if your recommendation deviate from what they did or what they think would be better - game over. And I failed.

I am crushed. I suck.

Since I Have To Get Up Early, Let's Stay Up All Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it that when you have to get up unusually early, you keep yourself awake til all hours of the night even though your tired?

I did that last night, and now I'm tired. After talking to some people, it turns out I'm not alone. Alot of people have the same problem. I'm going to sleep now.

Hope all is well in your world... the bba program has kept me so busy I haven't written in forever. Anyway. Okay.

Happy Friday the 13th Day!

Eew I am going to travel on Friday the 13th to have a lovely Valentines Day with my Valentine. But I still have to travel on that dreaded day. If I see any hockey bags under that bus when I go to put my luggage on - I'm not going. Who know's what Jason really looks like???

Under the Tuscan Sun

Did you know that today is Thursday? Thursdays are Tara's day to say "fuck off" to the world. I grab myself a bottle of vino, and settle down to watch my favorite tv shows. I usually don't talk to anyone unless they are there with me, and I don't go out of my way to engage myself in meaningless converations. Thursdays are my day. I don't get that often so I must make time for me not to feel guilty about doing nothing. Thursday is that day.

So the day began normally... wake up, get coffee, study. Shortly before one, I decided I should start my errand running. I needed a fill (for my nails) and I needed to hit up the bank. At the bank, I ran into a good friend of mine, Frank, who I hadn't seen in a while. We decided to have some coffee. It was really nice to see him, and I cut it a litttle short so that I could get my nails done before class.

After class, I had to drop off the videos, get some smokes, and a bottle of wine. My mom's ex-boss had called earlier and I thought she would have to work tomorrow. I thought it would be nice if I picked up "Under the Tuscan Sun" which we both had wanted to see since we saw the previews (she loves Italy, and wanted to do our whole house in Tuscan colors).

So I get home, and holler out "I come bearing gifts!" and I look at the TV.

Tara: What the fuck are you watching?
Mom: Under the Tuscan Sun!!!
Tara: Well fuck, there goes my gifts mom! I thought since I didn't get it for you the other day, I would bring it home to you tonight!!!
Mom: Awee Sweetie!! Thanks for the thought!
Dad: You should bring it back and get another movie

INTERJECTION: If it was six months ago when driving was still really exciting, this would be exciting, now its just like "shit, I just got home!"

Tara: Nooooo, fuck it.

Enter Friends, Survivor, ER, and finally, Under the Tuscan Sun.

Thoroughly enjoyable movie. For my honeymoon, I want to go to Italy tooooo. Hehehe.

Genetics are Weird

Good Morning World :)! I am unsure where this entry is going to take us, but we will start with the simple statement that it amazes me all the time how much of my personality is derrived from both my father and my mother.

My father and I are alike in many ways, style of argument, ability to sell and make friends, ability to see logic, sense of humor, and stubbornness (wow, check out how I killed that word with my lack of ability to spell a word I dread). This leads to some interesting battles, and discussions. However, I am more open-minded and compassionate to others on a global scale. I also think I get my sense of conflict avoidance from him. On the negative, I hold alot inside until I explode - like him. We are also likely the only two people who can tell eachother to shut up - and have it work. Funny, D has the same power with me.

My mother and I are alike in other ways. She can tell a story which to Dad would seem vague, but I understand every statement (a woman thing perhaps?). She and I both need to vent sometimes, and we can do that together. She and I both like to do something a little wild every now and again, within reason. We are both compassionate to the needs of others on a global scale. I also think I get alot of my understanding of patience from her.

They are both great parents in their own ways, and yet both different. My father likes to avoid conflict and pain, my mother likes to take it head on and get it dealt with. And I take bits of them on a conflict-by-conflict basis. They are both forgiving, which I will take with my when I am a parents. I have put them through the ringer in my life, and the way they dealt with it, for the most part, was something to be proud of.

Don't get me wrong, they are not perfect, and there are qualities I carry that will die with their generation because I will not let them surface. I will learn to control my tongue (I get that from my Dad, I too can cause more pain with my tongue than I ever would with my fists), and I will learn to give up control (it took some time for them to learn that).

This of course is just a brief overview, but the underlying point I am trying to make, is that understanding where you come from, and where your personality comes from, is all part of understanding you. You do not just get given a set of personality traits, they are built. Some are inate, but most are learned. The older I get, the more I understand me, through them.

Flight of the Navigator

Remember that movie? I can still remember seeing it in the theatre with Nunna and walking out saying such colorful phrases as "geek" and "dweeb." Ahh, when life was simple.

One of my regular readers who I talk to on a semi-regular basis (not for lack of me trying... you know how you are), reminded me of something this weekend. This person had gone on a bit of a tirade and was feeling guilty about it - which got me thinking about all the things I feel eternally guilty for. Because of this thought, I will leave you with my wise words of wisdom.

Receiving forgiveness from yourself is considerably harder than receiving forgiveness from others.

You ever notice how we are ever so quick to forgive most anyone else for true mistakes, but for whatever reason we have the hardest time forgiving ourselves. Even after people have forgiven me for faults and mistakes, I find I still hold that guilt with myself. I need to let it go. I'd probably be much happier in the long run.

I should make a list... but then I would have to look at it, and perhaps I wouldn't forgive myself - I'd just want to die.