That's Right Folks, I Have Contracted A Mild Form of Self Control!

Yes, it can be done. Who knew?

Today I got lucky and the car was available to me to go to class. I left a little early, and since all that was happening in class was some presentations, I decided it was my time to sit and do some word problems. I went into Chapters, picked up a word puzzle book, the latest edition of Fast Company, and went on my way. But Winners was right there. Calling me, no YELLING at me to at least come in and check things out. I did after all just come into a little cash and some of it should be spent on me right?

Wrong. I'm going to NY in the summer and while I fully intend on picking out some nice new clothing for the trip, I also wanted to make sure I got it rather close to the trip. I went to Winners, and for the first time EVER walked out empty handed.

Clothes were talking at me from every angle, one skirt said "You want me, and you would look oh so nice in me" all the while a pair of $29 Steve Maddens were screaming as if near death "YOU NEED ME TARA!" I ran to another aisle only to be bombarded by an adorable pant suit with matching top that would be perfect for spring.. 100 bucks in total, but no.. I ran, I ran out of the store, into my car with the immediate need to smoke. So I did.

I expressed some level of self-control I didn't even know I had. YAY for me!

Someone should call the press, this is truly a momentous occasion.. I even opted to go to class instead of shopping... wow.

Hope all is well in your world...

When Hard Work Pays Off

Have you ever put your blood, sweat, and tears into something only to see it actually succeed beyond your expectations? I had this happen to me this week... and I am officially thrilled. I can not provide too much detail because I have been sworn to secrecy regarding this issue until sometime next week - but I know that I know that I know that I did wonderful on something I worked hard on. To see it pay off tickles me to the core. Pride is a dangerous thing though, so while I will remain quietly proud, I will also shelve the excess pride - if it goes to my head, it will be more problematic than it is worth. (Note: there are wise words of wisdom in there.. if you can find them, you will be better of for noticing)

Hope all is well in your world

The Nose is a Funny Thing

Any psychologist will tell you that the area of your brain that processes smell is quite close to where your memories are held. Hence why smells can bring you back to a memory.

I just got a waft of my Dad that reminded me of being very little. It was a fond memory. As an adult, I can tell its a combonation between Dial soap, coffee, and cologne. But to me its "Daddy in the morning." The sad thing is that when I move away I may never smell that particular smell again. The neat thing is, I just happened to be up early enough to catch it. And it made me smile.

March 4

For the past 6 years March 4th has always been a week long ordeal. I lost a baby by miscarriage on March 4, 1997. It was one of the most stressful and heartbreaking times in my life. While this event was very much necessary for me to have the future I am now able to have, it was still something that lived with me. I would usually spend the week before in a mood, and I never realized why until half-way through that week. Then I acknowledged it and spent the day by myself.

Today I forgot.

I have been so wrapped up with other events in my life... the master budget project, the od field project, the ethics midterm... that I actually forgot. Until Kat called me to say that she had been thinking about me and reminiscing and that she was still sorry we never got to know Baby Shaela.

And then I realized I had forgotten. It is a weird feeling I feel right now. I feel sad that I forgot. I also feel good that my heart has healed enough not to be broken every year on March 4th. But more so, I am sad that I didn't acknowledge it for myself. It is a very healing thing for me to acknowledge what wasn't meant to be, and in the end was right. It restores my faith in fate, and in God. Because I truly believe that through that little baby he taught me a little bit of responsibility. And through that responsibility I am where I am today. A little life that made me a better person in the end.

I'm sorry I forgot. Perhaps next year I will remember, in the silence of my soul. Acknowledge her short life, and be grateful for the easier road I have been able to take.