Live, From Seattle, It's Monday Night Live!!!!

I miss my w.bloggar so that I can just keyboard shortcut what I want to do with html. Nevertheless, as I sit in Seattle, sleepless of course, I have a thought of how wonderful life can be. I have many influences in my life that would like me to do certain things that I am not sure that I am ready for. It is times like this, when I am alone with myself that I realize that all I need to do to be happy is grow some cahunas (balls.. SP?).

D and I are having a great time and spent the afternoon in the sun at volunterr park. It was great, and I got a chance to ready my book in the sun. scoring a little sun on the shoulders courtesy of my tank top outfit. I will be home on Sunday night for those of you who wish to call me.

There is much love surrounding me right now. I like to feel the warm and fuzzies and be happy being me.

What are the odds of getting hit on twice in one day, in a gay neighbourhood, both by straight guys? Do the math and get back to me.

Miss Fixit

There is a prayer called the Serentity Prayer. It is actually quite long, but the main part of it, goes like this:

God grant me the serentity to except the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

When I was young (and when my aunts and uncles were younger) something terrible went on in my family, rendering us divided in the end. I remember how it was before the rift, and I know how it was after. For years, I was so angry that this had happened, and I couldn't understand why adults always preached forgiveness but when it came to them all the rules of life were "subjective". Last night, as I lay in bed, I got to thinking. Why can't I change it? Some members of my family have tried by including the entire family in their weddings... I was going to do the same thing. But nothing really comes of this. It's like they don't see what they are doing - to their kids, and the to the future of our clan. I have 25 cousins. I am not entitled to see 9 of them unless by some chance I am home when they sneak into my basement to see my Nunna. It should not be this way.

I realize the only time I will have the power to change the outcome of this story is when all the aunts and uncles are too old to get involved (or rather, the cousins are old enough to make their own decisions). Then we will fix all the wounds that have been so carefully passed down to us in a new shape and new style. It's like they don't see that. They don't see that their lack of forgiveness denies their children of all that is good in this family. Of all the trips to the cabin in the summer with the house just packed. Of all the wonderful Christmas dinner when you HAD to have a kids table because there is NOT a table on this planet big enough for our family. Of being there for eachother, knowing eachother, and loving eachother.

It's sad that I am not the only person who has this in their family. That there are thousands upon (likely) millions of kids who go through the same thing. In different degrees granted, but nevertheless, my generation and the generation below me are a generation of broken families. If we ever intend on making the world better, we have to create the family again.

Okay, Get This - I Missed One

Jay. I missed Jay. He is my cousin and I missed counting him because he married into the family.

I am done school for hte semester and am quite thrilled about it to be honest. I need a break so bad I can taste it. I will be heading to Seattle today at about 3 or so, making it there in time to have dinner with my boy. I am also awaiting getting some very important grades that I have been going nuts over. I have never felt so OCD.

Lisa is going to come visit the first week of school and we are going to have a blast. I miss that kid, but living in Penticton is actually good for her, regardless of whether or not she sees it. Some people are soo damn hard to read, and I stop trying. Lisa is like that.. she only shows you what she either a) feels like showing you, or b) thinks you want to see. This doesn't make her a bad person, it just makes her more hard to understand than most people. I understand her and love her with all her facets.

Everyone has facets don't they? I mean, if they didn't wouldn't that make them shallow and therefore not very interesting at all? It seems to me shallow is sorta like highly focused - except that these people are focused on something not so good.

Ahhh, okay. I don't have much to say today. I want to play around on the net and for a change not feel guilty about it.

I hope all is well in your world :)

My Big Fat French Family

Today my family welcomed in a new baby girl, at 10lbs 2oz. Her name is Madeline Grace and she is the 7th member of the Craig Poirier family :). To elaborate on my big fat french wedding, I thought I would share that I have 24 cousins, both sides, 21 of which are on my fathers side. Lets play the name game. Please take note that I am the oldest of them all :)

My father is the oldest and has two children, myself and my brother Chad. His younger brother Ron has three kids, Kristy, Kory and Kelly. After that, there was Lynn, who bore Laura and Michelle. After Lynn, there was Brian who had Nicole and LIsa. Then there's Donna who had Amy and Nancy. After that, we have Chris who has Rachel, Jessica, and Josh. After Donna, we move along the family path to Craig, who has 7 children, Ryan, Sierra, Emily, Lucy, Claire, Luke and Madeline. And finally we reach Janice who has Karson and Daniel.

That is daddy's side.

Then there is mommy's side. Amanda, Stephanie and Kevin.

This is my family. Now, picture if you will, a family dinner, say, Christmas. Tara is 16. The closest cousin is the same age as her brother - just about 12. She brings her boyfriend to the INSANE family dinner, where there are no less that 12 children running rampant. And they all hang off Tara. This is the glory that is my life. I will have a big fat French wedding, and I will have a retarded amount of people who wish to celebrate with me.

Now, if you will, take a moment and think... what about the second cousins? Wow. Lets go there shall we? No, wait, I can't. There are over 200 on dad's side alone. When I meet a guy in a bar, its not " how old are you" or "where did you grow up" it's "are you in any way related to me?". I don't even KNOW about my mom's side for second cousins. I don't think I can deal.

Nevertheless, I looove new babies... and now I have another one to watch over. Lets hope this one doesn't turn out like me - like all my 23 other minime's

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

What is happiness? Merriam-Webster defines it as a state of well-being and contentment, but I am not sure that when I think of happiness that is what comes to mind. To show why, one must look further at the definition of happiness. Well-being, defined again by Merriam-Webster, is the state of being happy, healthy or prosperous. Contentment means the quality or state of being contented - and contented means to appease the desires of something. I take this to mean, just enough.

So now we realize that the definition of happiness, in the strictes form, means to be healthy, or prosperous (because happy is a circular definition), and having just enough of what you need to feel settled for a minute or two.

I am by no means prosperous at this point of my life, and lately I am unsure of my health. But it seems to me, that if we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, food in our tummies, and someone to lean on when times get tough, then we should be content. So why are we constantly looking for something more?

More, in this day and age tends to be directly related to the pursuit of material goods. Some people (unfortunately not as large of a population as the material people) find "more" in church or sports or whatever it is that makes them want to wake up in the morning.

But what if you don't know what you want to be your "more?" A boyfriend is nice, but you must never put 99% of yourself into a significant other for that can only end in despair. A book seems to work for most, but like life, all good things must come to an end. - Furthermore, finding that jewel of a book can be difficult. So what can we tell about this "more?"

More can be constantly changing. More can be something stable. More can be anything you want it to be. All you have to do is find your more, and be content with it. If you have your more, and you have your basic needs, you must be happy.

So here I am, all the makings of happiness. I have my health in such a state that I am free to move around, I am mentally sound, and I have the ability to be prosperous in life. Furthermore, I am relatively content with my life, although some minor improvments are definately necessary within the realms of my five-year plan. My mores include tennis, snowboarding, my family, my friends, myself. By definition, I should be happy.

The problem is, I'm not. It occurs to me, that the only reason I am not, is because of my own self. My own ambition, being, and self. There seems to be a part of me, that is not happy unless I am doing something that is obvoiusly perpetuating me forward, with a plethora of opportunity and brightness on the horizon.

What ever idea that was put in our heads as a child, that dictates
that we must live our lives in complete happiness must have come from the land of make-believe. None of us live in complete and utter "happiness". What we need to do is develop being content. Once you have the 4 basic needs, a few mores, and a few dreams, you should be content just moving towards them, living your life, and being.

It's time to let ourselves be happy with who, what, and where we are. It's time to grow up. It's time to take the time to breathe.

Another Boring Fish Story...

While I know the majority of my audience is ready to say to me "Tara, shut up about the fish." But it seems to me I need to tell ONE last story.

Last I wrote, Rufus "bad ass mofo" Betta and Kikker "shitkikker" African Dwarf Frog (ADF), were the only survivors in a massacre that occured in my tank while I was away this weekend. I removed my boys and put them in a lowly bowl where they would stay until the mystery could be solved. After speaking with the lovely people at Petfish I discovered what the likely problem was, and then a little side problem.

My filter was changed last week... just the media (carbon) in the floss bag. The carbon I used wasn't very good and didn't rinse very well. We are not sure if this was a cause of "a" death or not. What we are sure of, is that the temperature of my tank, combined with a death left in the tank, makes for very sad fishies. Someone died in the tank (from what I saw it was likely a guppy - not Apollo) and the other fish nipped at his fins until there was not any left. From the tearing of the fish, and the decomposing, bacteria was released into the tank, causing a toxic environment. And all in less than 24 hours. Rufus and Kikker were saved due to the fact that they don't breathe through gills.

Tough motherfuckers. Can you imagine the stench?

So Kat and I disassembled the tank last night (nasty nasty job) and decided not to put the Java Moss back in because it infests the substrate like nothing you can imagine. And when you are trying to clean gravel, you don't want to be plucking little strands of moss of each rock. It took about an hour to clean everything, and then, once the tank had settled and the temperature was brought back to normal, we went ahead and tempered the fish and the frog.

Two interesting and yet funny when you see it observations:

1. Fish get shell shocked too. Rufus looked rather scared, and bored. There was no one to be pretty for, so he just stayed in the middle of the tank. All by himself.
2. Frogs don't. Kikker was freaking out when he was in the bag.. you could just see his little brain thinking "let me out! let me go! look im home! yay!

Anyway, I have my gigantor presentation today and I better get powerpointing. I hope all is well in your world.

Me Sad

This evening, I came home to a tank full of dead fish. This apparently happened in approximately 24 hours.
I thought everyone was dead... you know how in horror movies they show quick flashes of horrific scenes, which tend to be accompanied by high pitched "REE REE REE" sounds? That's what happened to me... The glass cats - totally white, the guppies sucked to the filter intake... the neons floating around in the current, and some others floating around the top. Kikker, the ADF was in the back, and looked dead - but he moved. And then - Rufus... he moved.

Rufus has been renamed to "bad ass mofo" and kikker is now "shitkikker" cuz those two (namely Rufus) has been through the ringer. First the gourami and now some sort of bizarre tank disorder.

Oh well, back to the drawing board... I wonder what new fish I will get. Oh the trauma. I am sad.