Resolution... Sort Of

I'd like to meet one person who actually kept their New Years Resolution (NYR from now on). Everyone makes them, everyone breaks them, so what is the point of even making a vow to change something about yourself or your life? Quit smoking, lose weight, work out more, work harder, work smarter, complete ______, pay more attention to ______, stop ______. Whatever your blank is or your resolution is, they are ever so easily forgotten by the end of January. If you are really strong willed, you may actually make it til February or March, but who the hell has the will power to make it for the full year.

Yeah, I know what your saying... YOU DO! YIPPEE! As if. If you have, please feel free to share, perhaps it will motivate me, inspire me, or otherwise bore me. But who cares anyway? Your the strong one and I'm the one who has the firm belief that we always quit on ourselves before we quit on others.

Fuck It.

Yeah, strong language I know, but it is really how I feel. This Christmas I received an unwanted gift. Reality.

Without getting into details that are far to gruesome for the average reader, I will simply state that my family is not whole. My immediate family (Mom, Dad, Chad) are together, but my extended family (several aunts, uncles and cousins) is divided like the US on which president they want in office. In my heart, like some delusional child hoping that their divorced parents would one day find eachother again, I always hoped, prayed and thought that we would all be joined as one happy family one day. That point of view, I realize now, is completely delusional and will never, ever occur. What a painful realization. Then, after a night of no sleep, crying about it, I had a friend who was upset with me because I had to cancel something we had planned. The fight was nasty, and eventually I had to pour my heart out in order to hopefully make her understand. I still don't think she does.

So this week has been a week of happiness and pain, all at once. The good news is that I am going to make it through, probably stronger than I was before the whole ordeal... the bad news is that I still have to deal with the pain of a lost dream. I said to my mom "Growing up sucks," to which she replied, "You are 24, you are grown up." I told her I didn't know about that. It seems to me that it is a process. You don't just one day say "I'm 20 now, I'm going to let go of all the dreams." Over time, dreams fade unless you reach them. It's been over 10 years, and we are no where near the reality I had hoped. Good bye dream 12245 of my childhood.

Hope all is well in your world, and that your holidays were everything you had dreamed of.

An Early But Wonderful Christmas Morning

This has been one heck of a year. My parents in the accident, my uncle in an accident, and all that in addition to daily life and its wonderous stressors. Tonight, after midnight mass, we came to the conclusion that we should have present opening early as Mom had the responsibilty of administering communion to tomorrows 9:30 mass. So, we all sat down and opened our presents.

For me, I wanted to see Mom and Dad enjoy what D and I had put together for them. We really spent alot of time figuring out what and how to put together a great gift, and we feel we were successful. It was a gift for them - a bed table so they could play cards together in comfort, some gourmet Italian bread knot bites, some gourmet olive oils and some neat little dipping bowls. Of course, we picked up a good deck of cards for them and a bottle of wine to tie it all together. It was a nice gift that had a lot of thought put into it. I didn't even open a present until they were done.

I didn't even expect a present given that I had gotten my bed for my birthday and for Christmas from them. The neat thing was that they still got me gifts, via Santa Claus. PJ's, perfume, clothing, make up, a toque, a scarf and some gloves... to name a bit. This year, I really felt the love in the room because each gift seemed to be so fitting.. Especially the throw and matching pillows for my bed. I really love the fact that my Mom and Dad together really make you feel known with their gifts.

Christmas isn't about gifts. It is about the birth of a Baby that forever changed the way people felt, thought, and acted. But it is also about love and appreciation and remembering that even though life throws you many curve balls, your family is always there for you. My parents are wonderful examples of this, and Christmas is the time to remember that.

Stopping short of tears is a good idea, but on a final note, the father tonight said something regarding family and forgiveness, for me it struck close to home with my own extended family. People need to forgive eachother for their mistakes and their faults and learn that you only get one shot to live this life to the fullest. Do it wisely and don't hold grudges that leave you feeling an empty spot at the holidays - and remember that the only future we have, is that which we make.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and may you have a wonderful, fulfilling, and prosperous New Year.

Oprah is an Amazing Person

Sure, you may find her annoying, or maybe you just think that she's too self-helpy. Whatever your problem is with Oprah, swallow it. The woman does amazing things for people on a global scale. She goes to Africa and gives kids orphaned by AIDS gifts that they never had, she helps people all over the US to make a difference in the world, and all around, the woman tries to make the world a better place. For all you Oprah haters.. can you say you do the same?

Twenty-Four Years Ago Yesterday

I started to put my Mom through hell and haven't stopped since! Naw, I'm just kidding. So yesterday was my birthday and to celebrate the occasion I took the time to write a final exam in economics, followed by today's most delightful exam in business statistics. D has left for New York, leaving me no choice but to crawl into my newly acquired Sealy Posturepedic, Double Quilted bed and wallow in my own self ... LOVE! I'm not depressed, but man do I want to spend the rest of my life in bed. Now I understand why the sheep hate Sealy.

Anyway, for my birthday I am going to spend some quality time with my girls. I have plenty of good ideas that will encourage a good time to be had by all. In the meanwhile, I am going to begin the preparations..

Okay, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going to be in bed, watching tv. I'll be back.

Puh-Lease

How is it that people who fancy themselves to be ever so honest and polite are usually the same people that spend 90% of their time lying to themselves? I know a few people right now that are doing just that - in fact, they have chosen not to deal with any of their problems in hopes that they will magically disappear. It is to this, I have to say, "Puh-lease."

I am so sick of people who sit and make up excuses for their bad decisions. As if they are just big victims of circumstance. It is everyone elses fault. It was too hard. I just didn't do it. Or the best one - I don't know... I just did it.

I'm not perfect. I never said I was. But I do know that that which has been the most rewarding in my life required me to sacrifice something. Required me to work harder than I had ever thought possible. And when I was done, and I had whatever the reward was in my hand (most cases, something as intangible as a grade), I could be proud of that. I could be proud because I busted my ass to get it.

So for all you people out there who are sulking right now... stop it. Get off your ass and do something.

You Would Think

Today I had the pleasure of updating Microsoft Office. Now I usually stay on top of the technology, but the ONLY reason I couldn't just stick with XP was because of the stupid fact that I couldn't find the XP disk, and I needed to install an addin for Excel. One would THINK that something as necessary as the Analysis Toolbox would just install, since half the features of Excel are contained in this one little feature. Lame.

So I am studying my stats like a good girl. Thankfully, I only need 50% on the final to get my C+. Thanks be to all the powers that got me through it this time. I think its funny that I failed math 3 times, but put me in the "more advanced classes" and I do so damn well. Weird. Maybe it is just the way my mind works. Who knows.

I gotta bounce. I hope all is well in your world.